Today im sitting in my room and it feels as if im somewhat numb and lost somewhere in space. I do not know how exactly i feel but i know my feelings are drifting. Lately its as if im just putting on a face for everyone around me. I am just so very tired. Tired is all i can say. its been a very rough semester and i can't belive on friday june 4th i am graduating, not only graduating but with honours. I have been though so much and still manage to get all A's this semester..I look at myself and all i can say i wow. its almost as if i am not looking at myself but someone else. But there's something bothering me deep inside and i have no clue what it is. I have no energy to go and buy my dress etc..i just want to hide out and sleep. So far one of my guest for graduation can't make it. I was hoping that my bestfriend will still attend. But i have come to the point where i am no longer thinking she will show. I just have this feeling that she will not. I have left her a few messages to get back to me asap and tell me if she will come but no reply yet. Not like i was expecting any. Lately its like this. I just don't know anymore. I try to put aside the hurt i feel from everything that has affected me in the friendship. But it just repeats itself. I know she's going through alot but what will take so long as to write a short email to say something or the other....its a simple yes or no..I am trying not to assume. Because lately thats all i haev been doing. But when she does things like this what am i to think. I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I am just keeping it all in. and maybe one day i will have the friend i once knew back. Its just really hard to cope with being ignored. It just fucking hurts..i don't understand how adults can still cause so much drama in life..i just don't know anymore..might be best if i just kept to myself..its not that bad..because lately thats all i could do..i mean i even messaged her on friday when i could have been dead..she didnt even care to call or or notthing to see if i was ok. the bus i was on going to 6 flaqs went up in flames..i am still alittle shock from the experience. But once upon a time i had a friend who would have cared. I don't get it. I mean she says that she still cares and all that all..but lately she can't show it...im sitting here waiting and hurting at the same time...i dont think i deserve to feel like this or be treated like this...but i cant tell her this anymore...its just going to cause more drama..so im going to just keep it all to myself and be quiet about things..because talking or writing to her don't make a difference..and its not like i can talk to her..she is not answering her phone..